Death of a TV Show
by JudeDeluca
Summary: Yes, you read right. It's the death of Vital Information. And the dead won't take it lying down. Viva TenzilTV! TTV! It's up to two valley girls, an insurance salesman, a board game nut, and a zombie with sound effects skills to save the day. We're doomed
1. Chapter 1

Well, here it is, my trump card. Read what happens to people who don't get enough TTV. Hope you notice the Cow and Chicken reference. But first a little background...

**Prince Evillo:** Ruler of the planet Tartarus and head of a super-villain team called the Devil's Dozen. Had a hand in White Witch's origin story. Twin daughters are Styx and Stiletta.

STOWDY: State the obvious why don'tcha?

OMDL: Oh My Dark Lord.

WTBD: What's the big deal.

* * *

"From the makers of Chocospores, it's-" "We interrupt this program with an urgent news bulletin."

"Uh, bad news. Tenzil Kem, the host of Vital Information For Your Everyday Life, wanted more mo-I mean, died in a freak waffle iron accident! In the meantime, here's _Millennium_!"

At the Fountains of Purgatory Resting Home in the Pan District of Inferna, Capital City of Tartarus. Inside of a day room filled with zombies, word of Tenzil's untimely demise has just reached the living.

"What's that?!" Mrs. Camody, a ninety-four year old corpse cried.

"What?!" Yelled Mr. Szygy, a one-hundred and ninety two year old corpse.

"They cancelled Vital Information?!" Mrs. Camody asked to no one and everyone.

"They did?! Who?!" Asked Ms. Kirkpatrick, who only had one eye and one nose.

"Who what?!" Said the confused Ms. Renrir.

"Focus, people! Tenzil is gone!" Ms. Tilda Clothilde managed to get everyone aware of that fact.

"But he can't be gone! Tenzil was the only reason for me getting up in the morning! He made me forget that my kids never visit me." Mrs. Camody sobbed her empty eye sockets out. Until she was reminded by Mrs. Lethe "Dear, you don't have children." "That's why I watched Tenzil!" Camody sobbed back at her.

"What are we going to do now?" Mr. Szygy wondered. "We could watch Millennium". Everyone turned to the guy who said that, the guy in the corner. The guy in the corner looked at the others with a cheery grin, met at with annoyed stares. Then they threw him out the window.

"Anyway, without Tenzil life seems so bleak and meaningless." Mr. Prometheus said. "We live on Tartarus. It's always bleak and meaningless." droned Mr. Yuurm. Ms. Kirkpatrick perked up and said "That was the theme of my senior prom. 'Say Hello To Your Bleak And Meaningless Lives!"

"Feh! That no good picture box will get ya nothing but a cup of coffee and JACK SQUAT!" Everyone turned to the senile old zombie Mr. Bleginblah, who had no arms and no legs and spent most of his time yelling at a dead potted plant at the other end of the room. "In my day, we didn't have no TV. We just played around with whatever died in the streets, and we was damned proud."

"Is he talking to us or the plant?" someone asked. "Oh who cares?" It was at that point that Tilda had had enough, and stood upon a chair to get their attention.

"Listen people! We don't have to stand for this. Sure we may be old! Sure we may be rotting corpses! Sure we may have spent a good number of years trapped in the Realm of Darkness, only to have our children or whatever living family member we have left stick us in this pathetic excuse for provided care!" "Are you going somewhere with this?" "I forget! But the point is, Tenzil Kem was the one thing that made our sad and miserable lives slightly _less_sad and miserable. And now he's just gone? Like that? Well I say HEAVEN NO! We may be old, and we may be dead, but we have rights! We have the right to voice our opinion and we have the right to choose whatever we went to watch on TV like mindless sacs of maggot-infested throw pillows! And I say we want to watch Tenzil! What do we want?" she asked them.

"Tenzil!"

"What do we want?!"

"Tenzil!!"

"I can't hear you!"

"TENZIL!!"

"Now let's move o-"

Tilda's jaw falls off.

"Oh dear. Do one of you mind?" she tries to say, but it sounds like "Oo ooer. Oo ohn ohf oou oond?" "No not at all." Ms. Kirkpatrick said, handing Tilda her jaw and helping her put it back on. "Thanks. NOW LET'S MOVE OUT!"

Envigorated by the idea of revolution, the proud undead begin to march out, until the aid Cameron stepped in front of them with a patronizing grin on his face.

"Now now, where do you think you're going?" "We're going to get back our Tenzil on TV! Isn't that right?" Tilda told him. "TTV! TTV!" The others shouted.

"Are you sure? 'Cuz we've got chocolate pudding and clean diapers!" he waved the bribes out in front of them. Tilda laughed it off. "You can't distract us with promises of lactose treats and fresh undergarments." A voice in the back said "I could use on those diap-" "We're getting back Tenzil and you can't stop us." Cameron laughed. "Oh come now Mrs. Clothilde. What can all of you possibly do?"

_Five Seconds Later_

"OH SATAN THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!" "WHAT DO THEY WANT?! JUST GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT!" "SOYLENT GREEN IS STILL MADE OF PEOPLE!"

The rampaging undead were tearing through Inferna like Roseanne Barr through a Pizza Hut. And Tilda is the leading them through it.

"Yes, that's it! March forward! We'll get back Tenzil even if we have to do it kicking, screaming, and face-tearing all the way!"

"TTV! TTV! I WANT MY TTV!" the army chants.

"WHAT DO WE GOT?!" "MOVIES!" "WHAT ELSE?!" "REFRIGERATORS!" "WHAT DO WE NEED?!" "COLOR TV!" "SAY IT LOUD AND SAY IT PROUD!" "TTV! TTV!"

Meanwhile, at the palace of Prince Evillo, and his many (undead) wives.

"Ahh, another glorious day in the infernal city." Styx said as she rose out of bed, in her room filled with posters of hot Tartarian guys and male Legionnaires without their shirts on. "OMDL Sis, DYH the news?" her sister Stitletta came running in with her phone in hand.

Styx and Stiletta were twin sisters, both with wavy black hair, reddish-brown skin, black eyes, and small horns on their forehead. Styx were her hair long, but Stiletta had her's cut. Both were the daughters of Prince Evillo, the ruler of planet Tartarus. Their mom was Evillo's fourth wife. Fourth out of ten, all undead thanks to Evillo's passing whims. Both had similar hobbies, although Styx gave some more thought to when she did things, and Stiletta talked in more Internet slang, not that she was dumb, mind you.

"What news?" Styx asked as she picked up the Batman chibi doll that fell off her bed. "Well Lethe said that Brooke said that Plut said that Tiffany said that Roger said, to turn on the news." Styx started fumbling around for her remote under her bed pillows. They turned on the screen to see a reporter with red skin, a tail, horns, a reporter's vest... and no pants.

"Oh hello, ladies! It's me, ace reporter C.D. Hiney." He laughed a little. "I'm here reporting at the scene, OF A VERY BAD THING! Here we have a bunch of tired old grandmas wanting their precious Tenzil Kem BACK ON THE AIR! Which just goes to show that too much TV can be a very bad thiiing!" he said the last part in singsong as he was hopping along on his butt. The sisters got a glimpse of the carnage that the undead were wreaking on the city. People screaming, buildings on fire, Science Police hiding in the sewers and making out in the alley with what could be the last few minutes of their lives. Their were banners draped over some of the conquered buildings saying "TTV" and "No Tenzil Makes Jack A Dull Boy."

"O. M." "D.L." Stiletta finished for Styx. "We gotta get daddy." Styx said "STOWDY." Stiletta said.

After getting dressed, Styx and Stiletta started looking over the palace for their dad. Along the way they ran into one of Evillo's many wives, now zombified and working in his palace.

"Uh, which wife are you?" Stiletta asked. "Wife 4." "MOMMY!" Stiletta hugged her mom. "You seen Daddy?" "Check his study, dear, and no running."

The sisters made their way to their dad's study, where he would plan out many things involving Tartarus... or he would curl up under his desk and hug his Saturn Queen doll and say "I'm a good leader, I'm a good leader" if he was having a hard day.

"Daddy!" "Come on daddy, the planet needs you. Daddy?"

The two began looking around the room, until Stiletta found a vid-letter made out to them. She read it out loud.

"_Dear my little hellraisers. Went on honeymoon with new wife. Think this might be it. If not the septic tank needs a good rinse. See you in five weeks. Love, Daddy_. OMDL what is this, wife 11?" Stiletta asked. "Wife 10." Styx reminded. "What should we do, sis?" Stiletta pondered. Styx threw up her hands. "What else. Call the Legion." Stiletta let out a happy squeak and said "Oooh that is such a raw idea!" "Totally raw!"

The two started to type in the Legion's number on a nearby vid-phone with a large screen.

"This is so totally savage. Wait until all my friends hear that I got to talk to Legionnaires!" Stiletta squaled. "I hope we get Chameleon Boy. He is so cute I just wanna bite those antennae of his and chew 'em up!" "Oh please, Stil, you've got such a thing for the younger boys I'm surprised you were able to get through grade school." "He could always grow older. But why would I ever want to change that face? And his BFF Karate Kid! The positions I could put Val Armorr in."

"I hope we get Lightning Lad. He's got such a ragged look it is _so_ completely raw. With that flaming red hair and that scar, the metal arm, and that attitude! Just like a broken ragdoll who doesn't want a home. All he needs is someone to love him and hold him and squeeze the life outta him, and Mephistus knows it isn't that blonde playgirl."

Stiletta was offended and waved her finger at the idea. "OMDL WTF? How can you compare _your_ Garth to _my _Cham? He looks like a hobo!" Styx give a "mm-hmm" and said "It just show's how much of a bad boy he is. I wonder if he's into leather?" Styx explained. Stiletta sighed. "Still, neither can compare to... _him_."

Both sisters let out a collective sigh. Styx hugged the console as warm thoughts ran through her filthy mind. "Oh don't remind me. Just the thought of... _him _makes my skin tingle."

"Hello, you've reached the Legion of Super-Heroes." The twins looked up at the screen in anticipation, only to be ultimately disappointed. It was Cosmic Boy. "Oh. Great. Mr. Elephant Ears." Stiletta said off-handily. Cosmic Boy raised an eyebrow in quick annoyance. "Can I help you?" "Yeah I'm Styx and this my sister Stiletta. We're from the planet Tartarus and-" "Styx, rude much? BTW we're srry 'bout Matter-Eater Lad croaking it big time." Cosmic Boy was confused. "What?" "Yeah, in that waffle-iron incident?" Styx explained.

"Kem get over here now!" Cosmic Boy yelled off screen. "What up, boss man?"

The twins jaws' dropped. There he was, Matter-Eater Lad, alive and well! "Hey! What the heaven?!" Stiletta yelled. "And who are these fine ladies?" Matter-Eater Lad lowered his specs to get a better look at the girls. "You're supposed to dead you big maroon!" "Dead?! Me?!" Tenzil backed up. Cosmic Boy gave him a suspicious look. "There something you want to tell me?"

"The whole planet is going into a revolt because his TV show got cancelled. And it got cancelled because he was supposed to be dead!" Styx yelled. "Why would network television lie?" Stiletta could not grasp the idea. TV was their friend. Surely it must've been someone else behind it, like some criminal mastermind or Mormons.

"Cos what's going on?" Now, Brainiac 5, Bouncing Boy, Superman X, and Timber Wolf were in the screen. The sisters gasped together.

"OMDL!" "OMDL!" "It's furball and the chubby one!" Stiletta said. "And there's Brainy! And... oh, that Superman rip-off." Styx sighed with disappointment again. "Rip-off?" "Would one of you please make sense? Matter-Eater Lad doesn't have a TV show." Cosmic Boy said. "Yeah he does." Bouncing Boy said. "What?" "_Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life_? It's on every night." Brainy explained. "Yeah, where have you been?" Timber Wolf asked.

The sisters started snickering at Cosmic Boy's dumbfounded look, before he grabbed Matter-Eater Lad by the collar and held him up to his face. "How long have you had a TV show?!" "Uh... for about a month?" Matter-Eater Lad let out a nervouse laugh.

"A MONTH?! ON LEGION TIME?!" "Yyyyyyy-ep." Bouncing Boy delibaretly drawled the "y" and popped the "p". "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?!" Cosmic Boy cried. "'Cuz your a douche." Styx said, getting snickers from some of the other Legionnaires. Brainy cleared his throat.

"So you said something about riots?" Styx started to explain "Yeah, all the undead people are giving a major fit 'cuz Tenzil's show got cancelled. And our dad, just like totally disappeared on us!" "Totally!" Stiletta finished.

"Hmm, you think there's anything suspicious behind it?" "Well, yeah. When they cancelled Millennium nothing bad happened!" Styx said. "Look, it's going to take us a while to get there. Tartarus is a world in the outer rim, so until then you girls are going to have to hold down the fort." "But-!" Styx started. "What can we do?" "You're smart, you'll think of something." Bouncing Boy said to keep their attitudes positive. The sisters sighed. Then they snapped back to reality when they heard strangling noises. Timber Wolf said "We gotta go. Cos is starting to strangle Tenzil. Good luck." "I'm a Superman rip-off?" Kell dredged. "YOU SPROCKING SON OF A-" the screen went blank.

Styx sighed. "Terrific." Stiletta said "well, is it really that bad? I mean, so they've caused a little property damage, WTBD?" That's when the power started to go out, and Stiletta's phone blipped out.

"We just lost phone service." Styx said.

"DEM BITCHES GOIN' DOWN!"

To Be Continued...

What's next? Meet the resistance front!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes.

Note: Not every dead person on Tartarus is part of the Liberation Front. And not every member of the Liberation Front is a zombie.

* * *

"We are the TTVLiberation Front. We demand one thing. Tenzil. We will not be denied our glorious Tenzil. Every day we are denied Tenzil, we will blow up one office building every hour that Tenzil is not back."

"Uh, we can't do that."

"Oh. Then we will chant our calling obstinately and without end until we get what we want!"

"We're here! We're qu-"

"DODI! It's not that kind of protest." "Oh. Ratsafrass."

"ANYWAY... we will not stop in our bloody and painstaking quest for T-" Tilda starts snoring again.

"Guys, she's doing it again."

"Who has the cattleprod?"

"I've been waiting for this day since I got pension!"

One of the zombies rams Tilda with a cattle prod, shocking her back into coherency.

"-enzil back on air. TTVLF out! ...are they gone? Now, as I was saying, I couldn't see how far it crawled in so I wound up using a wooden spoon right up my-YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SHUT THE BLOODY THING-".

Static.

...

Meanwhile, Styx is being strangled by a demonic squid, until Stiletta runs at it with a mallet and starts bashingit's head in. The thing explodes into a big ball of ink. Stiletta drops the mallet and helps her sister up.

"What a horrible adventure with that Demon Squid!" Styx said, wiping some ink off her face.

"TT. OMDL my heel came off!" Stiletta cried. "Suck it up, sis, the meeting place is right around the corner." "But these are new shoes! OMDL we better hurry, I haven't talked to anyone in three hours! THREE HOURS!" Stilettastarted shaking her sister until Styx grabbedher shoulders and started slapping her.

"Stiletta get a hold of yourself!" Styx stopped slapping her. "I'm OK, now." "I'll tell you when you're okay!" Styx started slapping her again, her chance to get back at her for ripping her Colossal Boy poster two weeks ago. After finally stopping, the sister went back on their path, only to find...

"WTF? An insurance office?"

True. The two we're standing in front of **Eternal Damnation Life Insurance**. They just shrugged their shoulders and walked in through the front door. The lobby was well decorated, with elevator music playing on the radios, plants, some old magazines, and a lady at the front desk without a nose, lips, or left eye.

"Hello, and welcome to Eternal Damnation Life Insurance. Like a friendly neighbor, Eternal Damnation is always there. How may I help you?" "Uh, yeah, we're here to see someone named Pam." Styx said.

"Ah, please, step to your right." The two exchange confused looks with one another. "Please step to your right." the secretary insists. The twins do. "Now step to your left." They indeed do. "Now take three steps back." One, two, three. "Now take two forward." Styx sighed in frustration once they did.

"Can we just-" WHOOP! The two fall down a hidden shaft through the floor. They screamed all the way down, although at one point Stiletta went "whee!" at one point. Until they fell to the bottom. "Ow." "Ooooh. Secret room. Major Christie points."

"WHO DARES INTRUDE ON THE TARTARUS RESISTANCE FRONT?" the voice boomed from the shaodws. The sisters huddled together and started to shake in fear. "WHO DARES TO TEST OUR MIGHTY RAGE WITH THE PUNISHMENT OF DEATH?"

"Uh-"

"SILENCE! FOR THE AUDACITY OF TRESSPASSING ON OUR SECRET LAIR, THE PUNISHMENT IS DEATH! DEATH OF A NEW VARIETY EVERY FIVE MINUTES! THE NEXT FIVE DAYS OF YOUR LIVES WILL BE SPUN TOGETHER WITH OUR VARIOUS, INDIVIDUAL PATCHES OF PUNISHMENT, SEWN TOGETHER FROM OUR INDIVIDUAL EVIL TO CREATE A PACTHWORK QUILT OF HORROR AND PAIN THAT WILL WRAP YOU IN IT'S EMBRACE OF DARKNESS FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISBEGOTTEN LIVES!"

"Really?"

"Nah we're just BS-ing ya." The lights turn on. The two see a blonde woman in a blue outfit with a paper symbol on her chest. On her left was an alien kid, who resembled an armadillo, in a red, blue, green, yellow, and black outfit. And on her right was a zombie teen with white hair, pointed ears like Nosferatu, and grayish-beige skin in a maroon and gray outfit with a soundwave symbol forming a C.

"So, are guys Styx and Stiletta?" "TD. WH with the whole mysterioso trap door and Scooby back room." Stiletta asked. "Came with the building. Hi! I'm Pam. Policy Pam." Pam, the woman in blue, shook Styx's hands. "Hey, is that Rimborian leather you're wearing?" "Yeah, why?" "Well, Rimborianleather is very rare. Do you have it insured?" "Insured?" "In case something happens to it, you, the consumer, can rake in enough insurance money to pay for a replacement." "Gee, okay!" Pam squealed. "Perfect, just sign here." She whipped out a a pen and papers.

"Pam knock it off!" the armadillo guy said. "Aww!" she whined.

"That's Pam's special ability. She can sell any insurance policy to anyone!" he informed her. "O... kay." Stiletta said, looking down at the little guy. "And who are you?"

"I'm Spaceopoly Lad." "Spaceopoly? As in that game where you buy land and build houses and no matter how long you play it NEVER ends. Ever?" Styx asked, Pam still prodding her with the policy forms until Styx signed it. "Yeah, but I have the ability to finish every Spaceopoly game I start."

Styx crushed the pen in her hands. Stiletta fell backwards. The two just started at Spaceopoly Lad. "O. M. D. L. That. Is. AWESOME!" Stiletta cried.

"Ask me who I am next!" the guy in maroon said. "WHP?" Stiletta asked. "That's just the way Chet is." "The name's Chet. Echo-Chamber Chet." _Echo-Chamber, Echo-Chamber_. The words bounced off the walls and shook the room. The sisters tried to cover their ears to block the sound.

"No need asking what you do." Styx yelled. "What?!" Stiletta cried. _What?! What?!_"I SAID THERE'S NO NEED ASKING WHAT HE DOES." she tried to clarify. "WHAT?!" Stiletta asked again. "Chet! Shut it off!" Pam blocked her ears. _Off. Off. Off._ "What?" Chet asked. _What, What_. "Terrific." Styx moaned.

Anyway, about five minutes later as the two get settled in. They sat around a table as Spaceopoly Lad started playing a game of Spaceopoly.

"You mean Kem's not dead?" Pam asked. "Then what the hell is going on?" "IDK. We think the network did this on purpose." Stiletta said. "The Bismollian TV Network?" "No, the Tartarus network. That news broadcast was from Tartarus Home Network." "But why?" "Still trying to figure that out."

"So, this is it?" Stiletta scratched the back of her head. "Yeah." Pam said. "Well we were kinda hoping for something more along the line of Necromancy Kid or Napalm Lass." "Nope. Just us."

"So you're probably pretty curious as to how we got our amazing powers." Chet said. "Yeah, let's go with amazing." Styx asked. "Pam, why don't you start."

Pam stood up and cleared her throat. "Hi, my name is Policy Pam." "Hello, Pam!"

"My father was insurance salesman who had no gumption. He was practically the worst salesman around. Around the same time my mom was pregnant with me, he bought a magic motivational tape from some guy in a magic shop. You know how some mothers like to put headphones on their stomachs and play music for their babies while their still in the womb?" "Yeah." "Well my mom mixed up the tape with with the one my dad bought. Listening to that tape is what gave me my awesome abilities of persuasion." "How do you know?" Styx asked. "My first word was 'liability'. From that point my parents knew I had a gift, but rather than spend my days in an office building, I decided to take my abilities to the next step and become a super-hero."

"You saw the ability to sell insurance as a superpower?" Styx asked. "Works, doesn't it?" Styx opened her mouth, until she saw Pam waving the insurance papers in front of her. Styx grumbled. Stiletta asked, "Spaceopoly Lad, HDY get your SP?" "Hold on, I just got Titan Towers!" "Oh!" Chet moaned. "I hate this game!" "A-hem." Pam gave the two the _look_.

"Oh, well," Spaceopoly Lad started, "my parents worked in one of the factories that manufactured Spaceopoly. The factory just happened to be next to a nuclear power plant. One day, a stray uranium rod wound up in the factory-" "How does uranium just 'wind up' in a board game factory?" "Who's telling the story?" "Srry." "Anyway, the rod just so happened to have landed in one the games that my pregnant mother was packing. That rod sent ultra radiation into her pregnant belly, then six months later I was born. On my third birthday, I finished my first game of Spaceopoly. 'Course, my neighbors thought I was a witch and tried to have me burned at the stake, but a couple of restraining orders later and I realized I had a super-power!"

"'Kay... what about you Chet? Don't tell me, you got bitten by a radioactive shrieker bird when you were in your mom's belly."

"Nope."

"Your parents were exposed to a radioactive boom box."

"Guess again."

"Does radioactivity fall under any heading?"

"Sorry. I used to work in a recording studio with sound editing equipment. I don't wanna brag but I guess I was pretty good at it. But, one day I had barely gotten any sleep what with COPS doing an episode on my next door neighbors. You may have seen that episode. _Drug Dealing Amish Hooker Bots_."

"OMDL! I heart that episode!" Stiletta said. "What happened next?" Styx asked. "Well, I was nodded off a bit at the controls, even though I had gone through an entire pot of coffee and was just starting my second one. And then..." he stopped for a moment to contemplate his next words. The others leaned in to hear what he had to say.

"And then...?"

"And then, Thunder struck."

"Oh that's horri-Wait, you can't get hit by thunder." Styx said. "Oh no, y'see, Thunder was what we called this really fat guy who worked in the studio. One night I fell asleep over the sound editing board, a cup of coffee precariously hanging on the board. Then, Thunder came walking in, right in front of me, and then..." "Then?" they inquired. "He tripped." "Ooooh." Pam closed her eyes and made a pain expression. The sisters just shook there heads. Spaceopoly Lad moved to Ventura Avenue.

"So, after the electrocution played out, I woke up in the Realm of Darkness. A little while later when everyone was freed, I found myself with these amazing echo abilities!" _Abilities, abilities_. "Please stop doing that." Styx asked. "WHAT?!" Stiletta cried.

"Anyway, now that you two are here, what should we do?" Pam asked. Both she, Chet, and S.L. were looking up at the two.

"Us? Well, what were you guys doing before we got here?" Styx asked.

"Making prank calls to the Liberation Front pretending to be their grandkids." Chet explained. "OMDL you guys have phone service?!" Stiletta said. "Not anymore." "WHY?! WHY ME?!"

Styx stood up.

"Look, I'm not really good at this thing, but from where we stand the whole planet is about to go down the tube. Why? For a stupid TV show that wasn't even funny. Now, I don't know what superheroes do in this situation, but I'm pretty sure they stop sitting on their asses and they do something before it's too late. Now I say we take our insurance selling powers, our board game abilities, and our sound enhancing powers and we save the world! Are you with me?"

"Uh, well..."

"I SAID ARE YOU SATANDAMNED WITH ME?!"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"THEN LET'S MOVE OUT!"

Invigorated, the liberation front set out for the TNN Building and to save the world. As they did, Styx turned to her sister.

"We're gonna die aren't we?" "Yep." "And to think I never learned love'sembrace." "And to think I managed to martyr myself. I always thought I'd die in prison." "For what?" "You know what." "Oh, yeah. That thing, with Mrs. Philinstein. Did they ever find her tongue?" "Nope." "We are going to so totally die." "Totally."

...

On the Legion cruiser, the others have to listen to Cosmic Boy still screaming at Matter-Eater Lad about the recent revelation.

"Is he going to stop anytime soon?" Cham asked.

"Like we would be that lucky." Phantom Girl moaned as she banged her head on the table to drown out the noise. Just then, Lightning Lad flew in, confused about the noise.

"What's fearless leader screaming about?" Lightning Lad jerked a thumb over in Cos' direction.

"He found out about Matter-Eater Lad's TV show." Cham explained.

"You mean he found out about it now? Just now?" Lightning Lad asked, not trying to hold in whatever laugh was forming in his throat. "Pretty much." "Yes! Imra owes me ten credits."

"You had no authority to be wasting the Legion's time, Kem." Cos used the tone of voice used only by an authoritarian, but he was starting to sound more like an angry school marm.

"I know. I'm sorry." Tenzil didn't dare look up at him.

"Sorry isn't good enough." "True, but that's where I have an ace up my sleeve!"

Tenzilrips out a cable launcher from behind him and fires it up at the ceiling, failing to realize there's nowhere else to go. Cos now looks like he wants to kill him slowly, painfully, and with a garden hoe.

"Oh, damn it."

...

Meanwhile, in a darkly lit office.

"Excellent. All the lemmings are falling into place. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"Sir who are you talking to-"

"SHUT THAT LIGHT OFF I'M LAUGHING MANIACALLY OVER HERE!"

Next, the Art of Seduction


End file.
